Bullied at Work

I get bullied at work. This is my space for ranting about it. It's also somewhere for myself and others who are being bullied to share ideas on how to deal with bullies at work.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Examining the Remaining Options

Following the recent, very unsatisfactory meeting with puh's manager I remain very concerned. Yesterday evening I felt low, close to tears again, unhappy about having to come to work under the prevailing circumstances.

This morning’s journey into work was completely occupied with anxieties about how things will now proceed. I feel that not enough has been done to help me preserve my mental health whilst at work. I am considering what I might be able to do to address that further.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Poem

Once I had an angel
I held it in my hand
It disappeared again today
I don't know where I stand.

Three Steps Back

I'm so angry and upset right now ! I feel I hate my working life and just want to be away from it with all my heart.

Any shred of hope I had for improving things feels like it has just been completely stamped out. My bully's manager has today basically just left me with the received message that 'She's your manager, she's just managing you, you have to be managed, live with it.'

So f*cking wrong !


I feel endangered. I'm worried I might self harm right now because there's no point to trying to do the right thing or be a good person. I am raging inside and miserable. F*ck, f*ck, F*ck ! So bloody pointless !

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Progress ?

I finally decided last week that 'something had to be done'. What decided me was the night I sat through a group meeting with 'puh' for an hour, then walked to the bus stop and burst into tears because I was so tense. That plus the prospect of being 'appraised' by 'puh' in the near future.

The 'something' that I did was to speak with 'puh's line manager about my take on the situation. I didn't manage to do it without crying, but I did hold it together well enough to keep speaking, to put my points across and to make it clear that it isn't 'just me' 'being oversensitive and taking things too personally'. I feel proud of myself for managing that much, given how bad the hurt is.

The situation is affecting my health and won't improve without some interventions. Also, I won't let it harm my personal out-of-work relationships, which me going home crying suggests will happen soon if I don't get assistance with the matter. So I went through all the rigmarole of explaining that I know we struggle to communicate, have different personalities etc., made it clear I'd rather deal with the matter in an adult-adult fashion through mediation than through 'procedures' etc..

I've now been asked to go away and come up with a list of 'positive' 'suggestions' as to how puh can adapt her approach to me. Her line manager is meanwhile going to talk to puh about stuff and give her some similar task. Then at the end of this week I have another meeting with him to see where we are at.

I'm worried how puh will react, but I feel I have done my best to be fair and reasonable and not to be aggressive in what I said. Fingers crossed that her line manager can help, even though he is still trying to make it mostly about me. He did concede that puh has 'a rather direct approach' (or words to that effect), but used that to reassure me that she hasn't expressed concerns over my work, so he figures she actually doesn't really have a problem with me, where she has spoken up about other members of staff previously.

*Outcome pending*

Monday, January 08, 2007

So hard to stay my 'steel' self

Talked this lunch time to one of the colleagues I mentioned before. She was very encouraging, and eager to keep me strong and have me go ahead with tackling the situation between 'puh' and myself.

I need to make an appointment to see 'puhs' line manager, but I am finding it hard to bite the bullet. I need to be sure that it is really Me who goes ahead with whatever happens, and that it's not being done because other people think it's what I should do. I guess I am not confident enough of that fact yet to commit to action.

At the same time, I do have to admit that while things stay the same I am going to get more and more stressed and anxious about my situation. I guess in the World of Cheese I am 'Haw', the little person who finds it hard to go with change when it is there and necessary, but who does it in the end.

(See the book 'Who Moved My Cheese').