I finally decided last week that 'something had to be done'. What decided me was the night I sat through a group meeting with 'puh' for an hour, then walked to the bus stop and burst into tears because I was so tense. That plus the prospect of being 'appraised' by 'puh' in the near future.
The 'something' that I did was to speak with 'puh's line manager about my take on the situation. I didn't manage to do it without crying, but I did hold it together well enough to keep speaking, to put my points across and to make it clear that it isn't 'just me' 'being oversensitive and taking things too personally'. I feel proud of myself for managing that much, given how bad the hurt is.
The situation is affecting my health and won't improve without some interventions. Also, I won't let it harm my personal out-of-work relationships, which me going home crying suggests will happen soon if I don't get assistance with the matter. So I went through all the rigmarole of explaining that I know we struggle to communicate, have different personalities etc., made it clear I'd rather deal with the matter in an adult-adult fashion through mediation than through 'procedures' etc..
I've now been asked to go away and come up with a list of 'positive' 'suggestions' as to how puh can adapt her approach to me. Her line manager is meanwhile going to talk to puh about stuff and give her some similar task. Then at the end of this week I have another meeting with him to see where we are at.
I'm worried how puh will react, but I feel I have done my best to be fair and reasonable and not to be aggressive in what I said. Fingers crossed that her line manager can help, even though he is still trying to make it mostly about me. He did concede that puh has 'a rather direct approach' (or words to that effect), but used that to reassure me that she hasn't expressed concerns over my work, so he figures she actually doesn't really have a problem with me, where she has spoken up about other members of staff previously.
*Outcome pending*
