Holiday Reading

I'm going to be on holiday from work for a week. I ordered a new book yesterday about workplace bullying, entitled "Bully in Sight...", by Tim Field. I also have another book at home already. I may read these over the holiday, depending on whether I am feeling objective enough or not. I haven't seen 'puh' for a few days, so I am fairly relaxed presently.

I discovered some new websites yesterday that looked interesting. Did you know there was an anti-bullying day last year ?

Squalor as a Symptom

'puh' came into my office today and told me to tidy up. This had consequences. If you would like to see where this incident led me, check out my newest blog, Dirty Dancing. I did say I wouldn't use a blog for journalling, but this new one may become the exception. Or it may die on the vine, like so many of my plans for 'getting clean'.

I've just been browsing some other people's blogs, and came across a statement that makes me sigh:


"It's not only about the scholarships I bagged or the highest marks I scored...It is the credibility I have at my workplace that gives me a real high"

- Aparna Kar, The Variegated Sky, August 2005.


When you are being bullied at work you are denied many such positive feelings. Since she is my line manager, 'puh' makes me feel that I don't have any credibility at work, even though I know in my head that it isn't true. Experiencing bullying makes it about what you 'know' in your heart, and that 'knowing' is a distorted, corrupted thing the bully has managed to create and has caused you to believe. I thank my gods for having sought counselling, and for the skill my counsellor has in helping me recognise and unravel the things my heart has been made to believe that aren't mine and that aren't true about me.

I am a very staunch believer in counselling, and I recommend it to anyone who is experiencing bullying. You're not wonky, but some of your beliefs about yourself may be, thanks to your bully, so having someone help you question those beliefs is a really positive experience. Please try it.

Anxiety and anticipation

I'm back to work on Monday after a week off, and already I am anxious. I hate this. 'puh' is actually on holiday, so I won't see her for a few days even when I do go back, yet still I am already worrying enough that it is affecting my sleeping.

Why am I worrying ? I feel like I have to script every encounter with this bully, is the main reason. I am angry about the amount of my personal resources that behaviour takes up. 'puh' is able to bully me even when she is not around !

This makes me contemplate the nature of bullying. When you are being bullied at work you can't simply avoid the bully, which might be an option in other circumstances; you are required to encounter the bully in the course of your normal work. I think this is what I find most disturbing about being bullied at work - the emotional stress of anticipating the next episode. I feel 'caught out' when I am bullied.